Category: Entertainment

You like what we tell you to like.

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Entertainment

COMING SOON – PEE MOVIE

pee-movieComing this summer
brought to you by
Creamworks Pictures
in association with
Lebal Drocer, Incorporated

From creator Harry Meinschlong comes “Pee Movie”, a comedy that will change everything you know about pee. Take a close look at the world through the eyes of one pee-drinker in particular – Jenny Jame Ison (Emma Watson). A recent high school dropout, Jenny wants more than the inevitable career that awaits her and every other aspiring actress in East L.A. – a job at the fake flower plant…making fake flowers. Jenny jumps at the chance to venture out of the trailer park, and soon encounters a world beyond her wildest dreams. When Jenny inadvertently meets a quirky pornographer named Roland (Morgan Freeman), she breaks one of the cardinal rules of Catholicism – she takes the back door as a method of contraception. A friendship with benefits soon develops, and Jenny gets a guided crash course in the ways of the movie industry. When she shockingly discovers that anyone can download a piss-fetish smut film for free off the internet, she realizes that her true calling is to stop media piracy and set the world right by being the best damn pee-drinker on the Lower East Side and creating a pornographic film so good, every American family learns in two hours’ time the rewards of paying for her precious golden honey showers, or pay the blue price of balls.

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Entertainment Society World

ELF ONLINE: TAKE THE MONEY AND FUN


Guangdong, Cn.–Unpopular Chinese gaming company HappyMMO has swindled roughly twenty-five gamers out of their American money in a bid to relieve personal economic hardships abroad using a “game” known as Elf Online, an MMORPG in which people get together, set up shops, and do quests with each other while an unknown entity reaps the unseen profits funneled in when users are forced to purchase in-game items in order to advance their characters.

In Elf Online, U.S. currency is traded for worthless in-game items and charm potions (US $20) that give users “1500 affection”, a meaningless statistic that arbitrarily changes a pet’s willingness to do what one says. Pets are “captured” for US $20 and offer no in-game advantages.

The official Elf Online Forums have fallen into disuse as one spammer by the name of “SidorooloFrom” generated thirty-five pages worth of posts containing links to pornography, pharmaceutical advertisements, and internet dating sites that don’t really exist.

Investigation reports broken English and poorly put-together sentences throughout the game, even on the opening screen, where the user must click, “STRAT GAME” in order to enter the mysteriously empty Elven world.

The website, happymmo.com, which is almost unnavigable due to its poor English and sparse Chinese dropdown menus, is registered to Chinese citizen Lin Yong, a known scam-artist and child pornographer who has not been publicly available for comment since May, 2008, when users began demanding both forum and in-game moderation in the wake of neglect.

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Categories
Entertainment

Elf Wax Choosic Now Available On Grooveshark

Gainesville, FL–The online music streaming service, Grooveshark®, was pleased to announce Tuesday, the addition of several songs from the Elf Wax catalogue to its expanding database. The company, which has increasingly become a rival to Pandora®, expressed its enthusiasm in a personal email to Elf Wax.


“We’re extremely excited to have your music on board.” said Brandon Billups, Head of Label Relations at Grooveshark®. “First of all, all the song titles are hilarious and the music is great too. I especially dug ‘Eye Don’t Half U’.”

Elf Wax Times’ own internet trend specialist, Dr. Wikip Edia, has stated, “Grooveshark® is an internationally-available online music search engine and music streaming service, allowing users to search for and stream music, for free. It’s audience grows anywhere from 2 to 3 percent a day.” Dr. Edia also added, “Citation needed.”

The addition of Elf Wax’s auditory gold is also a first for Grooveshark®; it is the first time that Choosic will be available for aural digestion on the website. Elf Wax and their parent uber-corporation, Lebal Drocer Inc., both hope that this new medium of interconnection will help spawn new Choosicians around the Pac-Man inspired universe. Back to you, Shep.

Peanut Margarine & Knome Gelly (pictured above) can at last be streamed anywhere free of charge.