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Supermarkets collect metadata with discount cards, says Snowden

Snowden has proved the insidious discount card programs at Supermarkets track your every move.
Snowden has proved the insidious discount card programs at Supermarkets track your every move.

MOSCOW, Russia – New leaks by Edward Snowden, the whistleblower responsible for unveiling NSA surveillance programs, show that all “discount cards” offered by supermarkets are in fact used as part of a ubiquitous data collection and surveillance program.

“Every time you swipe that card to save a few measly cents,” said Snowden, via collect call, “they collect information on everything you purchase. They know what you eat and drink, and they know how you pay for it.”

Supermarkets fired back at Snowden, claiming that the data isn’t identified with individuals unless it poses a clear and present danger.

But Snowden provided evidence to The Internet Chronicle showing that that was clearly not the case. In documents obtained during his tenure as elite hacker for the NSA, Snowden uncovered a program to profile every individual, including images taken from supermarket video surveillance, which has been in place for decades.

“They watch you pick up every item and can compare it with metadata,” warned Snowden. “Everyone has a file, and I wouldn’t be surprised if shoplifters were prosecuted 10, 20 years down the line when it’s possible to analyze this data in more detail.”

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News Editorial

We should have the NSA.

And I’m glad women are second class citizens. I hope the NSA is still doing that thing where they spy on their own wives because they’re insecure with who they are.

I’m glad the war’s going to continue another 20 years. I just wish we had enough money left over for 50.

I’m glad we have smartphones. I’m glad idiots have something to do with their hands, and to do their thinking for them.

I hope a nuclear weapon discharges by accident because we STUXNET’d the wrong group. And I hope a lot of brown people die needlessly.

State sponsored terrorism is the terrorism for me. It’s not even terrorism, if you ask the right people. We are fighting for freedom. We’re freedom fighters.

CHRONICLE.SU IS A PROUD SUPPORTER OF FREEDOM FIGHTERS FOR DEMOCRACY. FOR WAR.

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North Korea grants asylum for Snowden

Hackers around the world have been searching for a home for their wayward comrade, Edward Snowden. Finally, it seems, they have settled on North Korea.
Hackers around the world have been searching for a home for their wayward comrade, Edward Snowden. Finally, it seems, they have settled on North Korea.

SEOUL, Republic of Korea – In response to a formal application for asylum on behalf of Edward Snowden, Kim Jong-un issued a statement offering the whistleblower not just asylum, but full North Korean citizenship. Snowden and his entourage, staffed mostly by WikiLeaks employees, were ecstatic at the news of a safe haven after 14 other countries had denied their applications.

“The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea promises to allow Edward Snowden to continue to leak anything he wants. We will provide him with many of the best top-secret hacking tools available in North Korea,” said a representative from the North Korean military.

“We are just so relieved that Snowden has finally found friendly shores,” said Glen Greenwild, the reporter who famously interviewed Edward Snowden in a Hong Kong hotel.

Snowden issued a statement written in Spanish, thanking North Korea for their commitment to freedom.