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Snowden unveils NSA Satellite SAURON Program targeting Citizens

MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, the whistleblower who recently unveiled the NSA’s ubiquitous PRISM wiretapping program, unveiled yet another insidious, citizen-targeting surveillance system Friday afternoon, in a chat with Internet Chronicle reporters. SAURON, or the Semi-Autonomous Ultra-high-Resolution Orbital Network, is comprised of a series of hundreds of low-orbiting cameras that can make out objects on the ground […]

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Supermarkets collect metadata with discount cards, says Snowden

MOSCOW, Russia – New leaks by Edward Snowden, the whistleblower responsible for unveiling NSA surveillance programs, show that all “discount cards” offered by supermarkets are in fact used as part of a ubiquitous data collection and surveillance program. “Every time you swipe that card to save a few measly cents,” said Snowden, via collect call, “they […]

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North Korea grants asylum for Snowden

SEOUL, Republic of Korea – In response to a formal application for asylum on behalf of Edward Snowden, Kim Jong-un issued a statement offering the whistleblower not just asylum, but full North Korean citizenship. Snowden and his entourage, staffed mostly by WikiLeaks employees, were ecstatic at the news of a safe haven after 14 other countries […]