Tag: Bigfoot

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Entertainment Special Interest

Breakwater Shadow

(Wrightsville Beach, NC) ELF WAX TIMES- Student Filmographer and friend of the Times, Wayne Moss, was taking late night long exposure photographs of the beach , to produce the perfect lighting effect. A dark shadowy figure was revealed to him in two of his 64 second exposures. Enhancement has revealed an obviously humanoid figure, nature unkown. Upon on-site review of these pictures, Wayne reported no sight of any obtrusion from the breakwater at all. We will leave speculation to the reader. However, it could have been a Mermaid, Shadow Person, or a Ghost. Many shapes can be identified in the photos, but what it is we will never find out.

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Editorial Entertainment Politics Science Society Special Interest Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

Bigfoot the Martian

New analysis of Mars rover imagery by the college-educated geniuses at NASA has revealed stunning new proof of life on Mars. The mysterious nature of the creature, as it looks back at the rover with its strange gait and human-like curiosity makes it 100% sure to Nasanauts that it is indeed Bigfoot. Could he be investigating the monuments of Cydonia? This much is true: Bigfoot must be much more clever than we are. The Bigfoot have made it to Mars, and probably have gotten as far as Jupiter, which begs the question: Jupitorians are definitely Bigfoot. Somehow they have overcome all physical limitations through some sort of “Mind Over Matter.” Next time you see Bigfoot disappear behind some trees, do not follow him, or you may end up walking out from a cave on Mars, and hell, if you don’t die instantly from the life-forbidding conditions, Bigfoot may kill you. That would make you the 3rd person to ever have been eaten by Bigfoot. Thank you for visiting Elf Wax, your Marinoia Depot.

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Editorial News Politics Special Interest Uncontrollable Patriotism World

Bigfoot, imaginary or Communist?

Bigfoot, according to believers, would be the largest Ape known to man. How then could they elude detection for so long? How do these creatures survive without leaving a mark on the environment? The perfect answer to the Bigfoot question is beneath our noses, and has been all along. Bigfoot is a communist. Somewhere, probably in a cave, a commune of Bigfoots are leading a simple life, helping each other out, and not leaving a trace. There is just no other way that a population of enormous apes could survive in today’s world without succumbing to the evils of communism. I suggest that Bigfoot populations may actually be devolved hippie populations, which have grown hairier and smellier, and may in fact be the sole provider of drugs to America. After winning the war on drugs, how am I so blazed right now? It’s as simple as this: Bigfoot is a Communist.