hey fuckers we’re back. we are the evil anonymous who allows anyone to use our name. that’s right, anyone can be lowercase anonymous.
today, we hacked bart police and released their info because we don’t give a fuck. uppercase anonymous has denied they had anything to do with the hack, and they are right. it was all lowercase anonymous.
these fascists at uppercase anonymous think they can tell us what’s what, and pretend like lowercase anonymous doesn’t exist. if it wasn’t hacked by sabu, it wasn’t uppercase anonymous. if the protesters aren’t wearing guy fawkes masks, it’s not uppercase anonymous.
lowercase anons wear bandanas instead of that dumb shit from v for vendetta.
lowercase anons hack anything they feel like and don’t deny it after a few media outlets say its bad.
we know the command came from sabu, he said “hey, guys, i didn’t have anything to do with hacking bart, so it wasn’t uppercase anonymous.” well who the hell was it, sabu? you know who. lowercase anonymous. ujelly? umad that you aren’t the only hacker who can use the name anonymous? no one knows the difference between lowercase and uppercase anonymous, and no one ever will. that’s because lowercase anon is the ultimate anon, and it cannot be destroyed.
u called the san francisco bart protest a riots and lowercase anonymous didn’t give a fuck. fuck it, we were rioting. we were the ones kicking down gates and not giving a fuck. we were the ones blocking traffic. we are lowercase anonymous and we’re always better than uppercase.
Wednesday, internet analysts declared Chronicle.SU finally outdid the Buffalo Beast in hilarity, traffic, and overall writing quality. Therefore, I have decided to stop writing for the Buffalo Beast and instead work solely for Chronicle.SU. Any posts on Buffalo Beast under the name of Ian Murphy will be ghost-written by my staff of underpaid Haitians.
The overall crappy graphic design and obsession with Barrett Brown were probable reasons for the decline of the Beast, as well as our abject complaining about a Facebook ban that had very little effect on our traffic. As the Beast’s aging demographic slowly dies off from AIDs caused by extreme liberalism, the Chronicle’s young audience expands their minds by combining LSD with dubstep. The choice I’ve made was both obvious and personally fulfilling.
I’ve joined up with the Chronicle in hopes that I can teach them a thing or two about trolling. Obviously, they’ve forgotten what it means. I will admit that they did troll Anonymous quite effectively and must still enjoy the lulz to this day. However, there never seems to be a point to it, and good satire/trolling always has a point.
I hope to bring my experience to the Chronicle and make it a better place, instead of just a bunch of asshole trolls who don’t even know what they’re doing. Damn, it feels good to be writing for such a valuable and important publication.
The other day a motorcycle gang rode down main street, waving American flags. In the middle of the parade was a piece of the World Trade Center, covered with signs identifying it. I don’t know why all these old people care about 9/11 so much. It’s not like they were there or it even affected anyone they know. I mean, everyone knows it was an inside job, anyway, right?
All these old people are so afraid of Al-Qaeda, and it just doesn’t make sense. Al-Qaeda is probably made up, and most of my friends agree: Osama Bin Laden is an actor, and they never really killed him.
I mean, it’s not like I really care that much one way or the other, but it just seems a little ridiculous that 9/11 even means anything at all to these old people. So what, over a thousand people died, or whatever. So many more people have died just from cancer in the past day and you don’t see any people giving a fuck.
At any rate, I think Osama Bin Laden’s pretty cool. He was originally paid by the United States to fight Soviets, and he’s just workin’ for the man, doing his job like everyone else. I think old people just hate him because they’re afraid of Muslims, because he never really did anything that bad. Did he fly the airplanes into the World Trade Center? No, of course not!
AN IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS FROM CESS POOL:
9/11 is a touchy subject, and it’s clear why. For my generation it was the first time the USA showed any vulnerability. For the older generations, it was another attack by some crazy terrorist group jealous of our freedom.
First I feel I should state why other countries hate America, and freedom is not on the list, folks.
People hate America for the same reasons I do. The USA rules the world, they know it, and they have no problem abusing their power. The consequence for attacking the US is invasion, and I don’t need to tell you what a US invasion means, but I will anyway. The United States has active military personel in more than 150 countries, and they are likely to remain there until the end of time, or the end of the US itself. People also hate the United States for our fat, lazy, ignorant citizenship. Our people are stupid, yet have no problem going on tv or youtube to state outrageous claims, such as “god hates fags” or “god killed the troops.” Shouts to Westboro.
One important thing to recognize about the 9/11 conspiracy is it isn’t the first, only the latest.
Some 9/11 conspiracy theorists ARE crazy, so because one person says “George Bush flew the plane into the building” doesn’t mean you should automatically write off all theories. The 9/11 puzzle is a strange and complex one, but I will try my best to peice it together, for you, the reader.
George Bush was the president of a company called the Carlyle Group before he was elected president of the states. Since one can’t run a company while in the presidency, he gave up that position, but mainained the controlling interest nonetheless. The Carlyle Group is an investment firm. On their website they list their priorities by amounts invested, and number one on the list is Defense. Don’t worry if you don’t see where this is going, it’ll all make sense oh so soon. When we as a nation delcare war, what follows is a massive mobilization of troops. Now we’re not going to send our troops to war on a fishing boat, our war-mongering technology is a bit pricier. According to some people, war makes money. According to me, a realist, war cost money, a LOT of money. “But where does that money come from?” So glad you asked. Our econmic system is so purposefully fucked, our military has to BORROW money to go to war. As I said, war isn’t cheap. Some money is borrowed from the federal reserve, yes BORROWED from the FEDERAL reserve. The federal reserve is a deceiving name, more on that later though. The military can’t borrow 100’s of billions of dollars from one source, that is where they turn to privatized companies (which the federal reserve is…again, more on that later.) such as the Carlyle group. It isn’t a friendly loan either, it is one with interest. So whatever money is made by the war-mongering doesn’t go to the people fighting it, it goes to companies funding it. I.e. the Carlyle Group.
So, lets do a quick recap, shall we? George Bush had controlling interest of a company that funds war for profit. 9/11 occured less than a year into his presidency. And people ask, “why would Bush want to do that to his own country?” Well, you tell me. Is your soul worth a few million? A few hundred million? Personally I don’t believe in souls so if someone offered me millions for mine, I’d say they were crazy, then accept.
We’re going slow, but bear with me, it gets better.
On 9/11, just hours before the twin towers were hit, four non-arabs were arrested for planting bombs on the George Washington bridge. Yes, you aren’t hallucinating from all that LSD you just took, four NON-Arabs, however, that story disappeared from the news, permanently. Speaking of disappearing, that brings me to my next point, the pentagon. The pentagon is the most watched, most secure building IN THE WORLD. There were more than 80 cameras that had a view of where the plane (supposedly) hit, yet all tapes, even from the surrounding buildings, were seized by the FBI and presumebly destroyed. It’s amazing, you can see the videos of the towers being hit and people jumping to their death from them, but the pentagon is hit, nobody is killed, and yet there is NO evidence a plane ever crashed there. “Then what happened to the plane?” Well, sir, you’re asking the wrong person. I only know what isn’t true.
The evidence is mounting slowly, but stay tuned, this gets interesting.
I watched a video in government class this past year about patriotism. In the beginning the September 11th attacks were premiered. They showed the footage of the tower being hit, the people jumping, and the towers collapsing. They showed interviews as well though, and these peaked my interest. In more than one interview, the person that had escaped the tower reported an explosion. Now, I’m no demolition expert, but those towers didn’t fall like my game of Jenga. Instead, they fell straight down, imploding on themselves sparing the surrounding buildings. Also, I’m not a building falling expert, but I use logic sometimes, and logic tells me if I flew a plane into a 110 story building right now, it probably wouldn’t fall, and if it did, it probably would fall in a direction depending on where it was struck. The towers fell in TEN seconds from the time collapse began, and each tower fell at the exact same speed. Also, because I don’t like getting all my information from zeitgeist or the official 9/11 report (which I read), I did some research on the construction of the twin towers. I’m not clear on the numbers, so you’ll have to find them for yourself, but in the center of each tower there was a box of steel poles, very thick, tall steel poles. On the outside of the building there were more very thick, tall steel poles, not as thick as the centered ones, but still quite thick. I’ve seen an interview with one gentleman who actually was involved in designing the building, and he is quoted saying, “those buildings were designed to withstand anything, including a plane.”
Hey, what’s up fellow dudes! It’s been a while since we last spoke but I’m clean now, and all my tests have been coming back negative so they said I can do this again.
Let’s get down to business. Your health. I need you to feel this great new idea I came up with. It’s the totally legal and healthy way to get high since pot is still against the law. It’s so simple your mother can do it using materials you’ve already got laying around the house – but it really works!
First, what you wanna do – is you wanna take a few Benadryl allergy capsules – as many as you want – these can’t kill you!
then wash it down with a Red Bull!
Benadryl and Red Bull is like 5 hour energy that makes you feel wrong.
every once in a while check your blood pressure, but really just try not to sweat it
Ignore hunger for youtube for added weight loss benefits.
You’ll wanna save room for medicine which after a short while should become all you really want, anyway!
You’ll feel totally groovy and you’ll swear people like you better too!
It gives you energy and mellows you out, which is perfect for school teachers and safe for children.
Oh, last but not least: Try not to operate heavy machinery unless you’ve had a LOT of pills!
Want to get something off your chest and onto the interwebs? Wanna d0x an enemy anonymously? Tired of being written off as a troll? Do you just need attention? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to spread your hateful disinformation with liebin.com, the interweb’s newest, most exciting place for hackfags to snitch on eachother, dump innocent people’s information, and post made-up IRC logs.
A team of expert sociologists at Lebal Drocer, Inc., created liebin.com as a place for enlightened minds to gather in secret and discuss plans to further world domination of the open internet, but we tripped acid and decided to make it public.
Some very interesting posts have already been made, including one by well-known hackfag, Th3J35st3r. His post was titled “Why I am better than Anonymous” and here it is:
I’m better than anonymous because even though we both hack anyone we disagree with, Anonymous isn’t as polite about it as I am. They use profanity and propagate memes to attract young people for jail cover. I work alone. That’s really why I’m better than Anonymous.
Hey /b/ today my sister said she’d have sex with me so I decided to let trips decide yes or no. I’ll send you timestamped tits if it gets to 50 without trips, and decide yes if it gets to 100. Also, I’ll do it on cam while wearing a shoe on my head and a sharpie in the pooper.
I’ve included an image of a camwhore and hope you reply with over 9,000 ponies, spidermans, furries, cats, hank hills, boxxys, chloes, and timestamped self-shots from very young women.
If you have any pics of your girlfriend’s I’ve got Photoshop running and will bubble them on demand.
Also, if they are good material for an x-ray I’ll do that too.
But that’s not all!
The last thread here got removed before I was able to deliver so here is the video I promised.
Late Thursday, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church had his eyes clawed out by Michele Bachmann. Plans for his funeral have been made, but talk of protests are already spreading. As the man who pioneered funeral protest as a form of free speech, much celebration is expected. Veteran’s advocacy groups have already begun organizing a demonstration for Fred Phelps’ funeral.
“I plan on grilling up some steaks, drinking a few beers, waving some hateful signs, and just generally having a good time at this funeral,” commented one veteran, as he waved his bus ticket at our reporters. “I’ve been ready for this shit for years!”
Bachmann’s lawyers have stated the deadly conflict started as a simple biblical dispute. Phelps believed that God hates all fags unconditionally, whereas Bachmann pushed the idea that God only despised fags who haven’t sought forgiveness for their faggotry. What seemed to onlookers as a bitter sexual assault from Bachmann quickly turned deadly for Phelps.
Fred Phelps’ daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has moved forward plans to protest the protest of her father’s funeral, stating “I should have seen this faggotry coming. Typical faggot move. By the way, Anonymous is a bunch of faggots.” Anonymous was reached, and not a single fuck was given.
Our prophets have reached God Almighty, on high, as he watches these events from outside of time and space. Although his grace is impossible to translate into our infinitely inexpressive language, our prophets have made their best attempt.
“I’m glad Bachmann tore that old man’s eyes out, but he was right about one thing. I hate faggotry. Bachmann and Phelps are both faggots. America’s forgotten what I did to Sodom and Gomorrah. The bible was mostly made up by a bunch of faggots who I hate, and if it’s interpreted as anything but a hateful document, it leads to this kind of bullshit. I am God and I hate faggots like Fred Phelps.”