Tag: kilgoar

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Sports Technology

Cult-leader ‘kilgoar’ BANNED from Rust: “Ye fiyed”

FILE PHOTO: Old Brutus assaulted fellow employees as they tried to restrain him. Witnesses say he bit, kicked and scratched Executive Editor Kilgoar Trout. Brutus later threatened suicide.
FILE PHOTO: Old Brutus assaulted fellow employees as they tried to restrain him. Witnesses say he bit, kicked and scratched Executive Editor Kilgoar Trout. Brutus later threatened suicide.

I’m cucksec and you’re reading the Future of News ‘Net Chronicle.su

After a juvenile, embarrassing and misdirected rant posted to internet hate site CHRONICLE.SU – creators of the videogame Rust banned a player named “kilgoar” who wrote the “BLOG post” seen by millions. A ‘blog is short for web-log which – unlike this news site – is not credible and can be written by anyone.

In his fake news ramblings, “kilgoar” calls Rust a SHITTY GAME that is a WASTE of time, because he sucks at Rust, which sucks now too, he says. He did not say that but we are saying that.

kilgoar’s actions are REPREHENSIBLE and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED ON THIS SITE. He has been FIRED, cucked from his place of power by game designers, which means the game is currently being designed with kilgoar’s absence in mind.

‘The cuck rule,’ designers call it, only applies to kilgoar, because he doesn’t understand Rust – having sunk a paltry <400 hours into the anarchy simulator – currently in “Beta” and characterized not by the game’s current development stage, but the people who play it.

A ‘Nightmare Cult’

People close to kilgoar, including followers of his illegal text and audio backchannel, warned me kilgoar’s decisions and movements have become twitchy and possessive.

“He orders us into the asbestos mines like his slaves,” said Ham Sterman, who himself admits to succumbing to kilgoar’s cult of brutalizing tribal aggression. “He asks if we’re cold, but not because he’s concerned for our health. He just likes knowing we’re cold.”

Cuck of week Kilgora the Explora

kilgoar, dressed to the nines, leads exodus to Flavortown, Mass.

 

Categories
News

Murdoch Sets Sights on Internet Chronicle

Rupert Murdoch looking evil as fuckAs chronicle.su strikes up lucrative new advertising deals, rumors suggest Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch is closing a deal of his own with Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Business analysts predict the transaction could transfer majority control of The Internet Chronicle to News Corp, Murdoch’s multi-national, benevolent corporation.

Longtime Chronicle editors Kilgoar Trout and Hatesec reportedly met with Murdoch on his yacht Monday morning off the coast of Tripoli. The editors are in Libya on an embed with the US Defense Department to document the extraordinary success of the 2011 NATO humanitarian bombing campaign.

After stepping off the yacht, Kilgoar and Hatesec apparently held an impromptu press conference for a bunch of fishermen and dock workers. Speaking in broken Arabic, Hatesec reportedly told the workers that they “would not be taking questions at this time” and to “call our lawyers, you fucking mutts.” The fishermen merely shrugged and sailed off into the Mediterranean.

Rupert Murdoch swoons Kilgoar (left) and Hatesec (right)

Empires are vast. This move fits in with Murdoch’s recent consolidation of influential media outlets across the political spectrum. After acquiring VICE, Murdoch set his sights towards other alternative news outlets, in search of the next big thing to contaminate.

An aide to Murdoch, speaking on condition of anonymity, said he came across the Chronicle one night while searching for kiddie porn on the Deep Web. After perusing its contents, his hard-on became stiff as a cricket bat, especially after reading Kilgoar’s Pulitzer Prize winning report on Mel Gibson’s joining Rage Against the Machine.

“Rupert likes honest reporting. He is committed to integrity and truth telling in the newsroom,” the aide said. “So naturally he wants to acquire the Chronicle.”

While Murdoch’s influence is often subtle and benign on his media outlets, it is possible that he will censor the editorial duo at the Chronicle, both of whom are hardline Democrats.

Dr. Angstrum H. Trubidur, a professor of media studies on sabbatical in Benghazi, said of the move, “Hell, them boys Kilgoar and Hatesec? Yeah they don’t know who they’re dealing with. What, they think they are still gonna be able to print hard news? Le’me tell ye, they’ll be going the VICE route before long: glittery, vapid, meaningless reporting while the truth is left on the cutting room floor.”

In a company-wide e-mail sent by Kilgoar right before publication, he assured the staff that their wages and benefits would not be affected if any merger were to happen. Reporters at the Chronicle were relieved as, unlike VICE, the Chronicle is known for paying livable wages to its staff and showering benefits upon even the most meager of its contributors.

When asked to comment on the proposed merger, Hatesec replied via e-mail, “Go fuck yourself.”

Categories
Editorial News Science Technology Video

NullCrew Ups the Ante With Valentine’s Day Release Threat

NullCrew's Twitter Profile Photo
NullCrew’s Twitter Profile Photo

Two weeks.

Two weeks until you’re either drinking wine, snuggling (or worse) with your loved one; or cowering in fear as the NullCrew‘s latest SQL injection information is dropped for all the world to see . . .  or at least a couple of hundred people.

As the “Doomsday File” craze hits the Web with fury, following in the footsteps of the great Anonymous leader Aaron Bale, NullCrew raises the bar once again with levied threats against the Pentagon, they say in a recent interview at E Hacking News. They elaborate:

Our next big release will be on Febuary 14th, yes, yes; VALENTINES DAY! It’ll be the official release of #FuckTheSystem valentines day, and one target I will tell you is the pentagon.

But our next single release will be a multipul target release, on United States government servers; retaliating against #OperationFastAndFurious. How many more need to die, from weapons the government is putting into criminal’s hands?”

With elite hacker friends like these, who needs Anonymous? These folks will hack the Pentagon and get away with it, scot- free . . . or so they think. Field reporter, ethical researcher and all-around swell guy doxbin has accrued enough information to note that the majority of the members is located within the friendly confines of Canada, a well known bastion for hackers/freedom fighters everywhere.

Or is it really?

In a previous exposé, Internet Chronicle resident Anonymous expert Kilgoar reported  PLF (Peoples Liberation Front) leader and Anonymous figurehead Commander X is in fact a Homeland Security Department plant who resides in Canada after “escaping” the clutches of the “Fids.” So why Canada? We spoke with Aaron Bale about this and he believes it to be a psy-op, perpetuated by Cyber Command in conjunction with the CIA, which cannot operate on domestic soil. Essentially, NullCrew is trying to kill Mr. Bale.

It’s the only plausible answer.

Technology reporter and reigning King of the Ring™ Champion, Danny, had a chance to catch up with ShaggyTheAngel, Anonymous co-leader, voxanon ircop and owner of freeanons.info to ask him about the NullCrew’s latest threats and how Anonymous might be able to one-up them:

(5:19:17 PM) [email protected]: you want the keys?
(5:19:22 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: not rly
(5:19:42 PM) [email protected]: because those are real warheads man
(5:19:45 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: idc
(5:20:00 PM) [email protected]: you know where theay are aimed?
(5:20:04 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: idc
(5:20:05 PM) [email protected]: Which one is going where?
(5:20:07 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: idc
(5:20:15 PM) [email protected]: NYC
(5:20:17 PM) [email protected]: DC
(5:20:18 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: cool story
(5:20:23 PM) [email protected]: and nevada
(5:20:26 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: rofl
(5:20:29 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: nevada
(5:20:34 PM) [email protected]: navada
(5:20:47 PM) [email protected]: I can code java but spelling is off
(5:20:52 PM) [email protected]: go figure huh?
(5:21:12 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: im reporting you for
terroristic threats
(5:21:25 PM) [email protected]: oh so now you are scared
(5:21:30 PM) Danny the King of Tommy Hillnigger: not rly idc”

It’s clear to this intrepid reporter that there is a civil war amongst rival hacker gangs a’brewin’, and we may all pay the price. Soon.

All that really needs to be said about this group of the worlds greatest hackers/Psy-op commandos, NullCrew, can be summed up by a quote from them at the beginning of the E Hacking News interview:

These servers are a part of the system, a system which is ran by
corrupt rich assholes. They mostly use their money for themself,

No donations to the people who need the money, and if they do; it’s just
so people look at them in a kinder way, only for publicity.

NullCrew added:

wisc.edu Became a target when they commited [sic] Animal Cruelty.

You may be asking yourself: What does the Caturday at University of Wisconsin have to do with taking down “rich assholes?” The answer lies in an obscure yet poignant quote from current Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Michael Vick, as years ago he was being dragged out of the Mississippi Bulldogs locker-room (later being charged with disorderly conduct): “I’d do it all again if it wasn’t for that meddling NullCrew!”