A great leader once asked, “How’s that hopey, changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”
America found her answer. Former President George W. Bush announced a plan Monday to “take America back,” starting with a campaign to reignite nationalism in the American people.
“We’re gonna, you know, we’re gonna take America back,” Bush said, with a gleam in his eye, “We’ll return this great nation to its former glory.”
Bush said America needs a new image of strength and prosperity – a picture of change it can believe in. Village elders close to the president have said Bush began his “spirit campaign” two years ago, starting with impressionist paintings.
This artwork demonstrated that Bush is still a human being.
“I’ve talked with village elders. I’ve spoken to the proletariat. America’s sat by too long watching a womanly president fuck things up beyond recognition,” Bush said. “I think it’s time we took this country in the right direction. Don’t believe me? Look at this way: Are we better off now than we were in 2008?”
New photos surfaced of a strong, bear-like President Bush dressed for hunting, knowing it will inspire Americans to take up arms against the Red menace in the Ukraine.
A protest scheduled May 16 will give Americans their chance to register grievances in Washington, D.C. and call for the overthrow of the Obama regime. Demonstrators said they will call for the reinstatement of a further-right Bush doctrine “that would make the Tea Party look like a six-year-old’s imaginary affair.”
President Bush is expected to take office before the 2016 presidential election if necessary, but insiders caution that he could better secure “legitimacy” by waiting for a “vote” next year.
George Bush a-huntin’ them Reds
Vladimir Bush is an adept fisherman
George “TerrorMax” Bush wonders where the Ukraine is located
With a little help from his TerrorMax, George “Putin” Bush scans the horizon for Russkis
With a fried voice and look of stoned desperation in her eyes, Trail Boss Jamie Jo Corne delivered new orders Tuesday to her rapidly-growing cult following.
Corne commands her collective to delay the Washington Bull Party Plan until May 16.
The Bull Party is a rally to restore freedom, which involves dumping seeds on the Capitol in Washington, D.C. and turning loose “thousands” of heads of cattle in the city streets, heralded by Corne who is expected to arrive on horseback with The Articles of Separation in hand.
“This is what’s gonna happen,” Corne said, bumping her fists together. “This is when the people meet the government.”
She slammed the Occupy Wall Street movement for its pacifism, saying hers is the movement of True Change, adding that her changes might even lead to economic collapse as America returns to the barter system.
In her video message to the collective, the Trail Boss said she needed to push back the cattle rustling after speculation that a number of unidentified homeless people “went missing” and are being detained in FEMA camps. Corne ordered the farming collective to stand by while she and General Lee sort out the logistics of transferring people and animals into the gridlocked city of Washington, D.C.
“Large amounts of cattle … to herd them into Washington, D.C. is going to take a little bit more planning than 30 days,” Corne said over the clicking of the Battletruck hazard lights. “Not really planning, but prepping.
Corne said she is “sick of fucking around,” and to complete her plan, she will need cattle ranchers to volunteer to turn their cattle loose into the streets.
“There have been several, multiple cattle ranchers. Multiple,” Corne said. “A multitude of farmers coming through, that want to dump their GMO seed all over the place in Washington, D.C.”
Corne is Trail Boss of a group of farmers ready to take up arms against the government at any moment. Corne herself has already threatened President Barack Obama’s life: a stunning preemptive strike in what she and her people refer to as “the American Spring.”
The alternative effects of spreading genetically modified seed throughout the nation’s capital would likely be unknown for at least a decade, according to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, an Internet Chronicle botany consultant.
“It might not change anything,” Troubadour cautioned. “But then again, shit could be pretty fucked up for a while. Let’s wait and see.”
[UPDATE: THE TRAILBOSS HAS BEEN SILENCED. SHE HAS DELETED HER VIDEOS BECAUSE OF ATTEMPTS BY OUR GOVERNMENT TO SUPPRESS THE AMERICAN SPRING FREEDOM MOVEMENT. THE VIDEO CITED BELOW HAS BEEN LOST, BUT THIS REPORT REMAINS FACTUAL. PLEASE ENJOY A COMPLEMENTARY JAMIE JO CORNE VIDEO, COURTESY OF CHRONICLE.SU]
The plan is to give Congress three days to comply with demands. Consequences of non-compliance, Corne said, will be delivered in phases. Retaliation will be exacted by seizure of ports by collective forces, restrictions on imports, and the burning of social security cards.
“I’m changing the date to May 16th,” Corne said, “and we’re gonna get shit done. We’re gonna git’r’done.”
This message is brought to you proudly by TerrorMax, from Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals. TerrorMax: “Never forget” to Never Forget.
[Editor’s note: Okay, alright now we are going to write this. I smoked a big old fat thing of weed and now we are going to write an article about]
The state of our world
…digital and otherwise – assuming there’s a difference (based on a paper forwarded to me by Kilgoar, I unconsciously pore over the definition of reality. The paper – originally published in a scientific journal, but now Aaron Swarz’d on this subversive website – stipulated that substantial evidence “exists” to suggest reality as we know it is a computer simulation.
The cat pictured above is exhibiting extra-binary political analysis.
Let’s just say for a second that we do live in a computer simulation designed to reproduce (or produce for the very first time) each facet of our existence – from the evolution of the single-celled organism to mankind, or from illiteracy to telekinesis. Let’s assume that every instance of reality exists not only in probability but in practicality. If we are part of “one” simulation then we may infer there possibly could be many others. Perhaps these alternate realities play out in widening variations – even to the extent we no longer recognize existence in its many otherworldly iterations.
Or let’s just say that’s all bullshit. Either way, does a two-party system actually reflect the needs of mankind?
Even fucking binary code “needs” more than 1′s and 0′s to function. Binary needs a processor.
Our false-binary political system does not allow us to recognize what goes on outside that vote – or that the government itself is a sort of processor, and not the result of voting itself. The processor is designed for certain purposes; all of them acted out, at its most basic level, in binary. And that is how America votes (and the results are menacingly consistent). Republican or Democrat, “left” or “right,” this one or that one, the lesser of two evils, and so on … it is by design that these are our choices.
It is of the utmost importance that we question, at every opportunity, what “reality” is, or is not.
To be, or not to be, that is the question—
This is a classic example of pre-computer false binary. I would have sailed out across God’s green ocean, and to hell with revenge and the idolization of one’s enemies.
http://youtu.be/h7TgTb_0wsg
But Prince Hamlet let himself get wrapped up in the binary when he should have been thinking about wrecking the processors. If you don’t like what your Pentium IV from 1999 is doing, then you don’t delete out a line of code. You replace that motherfucker. I’m talking about a processor revolution, and people don’t think like that. We are taught to think in binary. Yes and no.
So what if you KNEW “everything” was a computer simulation. Wouldn’t you want to play in it? Wouldn’t you be interested in seeing what it can do? Or does being a process relegate us to certain behaviors, certain parameters – certain “rules.” Maybe, right? But isn’t it worth a try?
