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Science новости

The Syrian struggle for peace is wide open for exploitation and only our loud opinions can save them!

The user interface determines the quality of American hatred for Assad.
The user interface determines the quality of American hatred for Assad.

The end game to all human discourse is the categorization of ourselves and those around us. That is to say we see ourselves as these competing entities when in reality we need to help each other compete with the other 7 billion, more than half of whom struggle to eat. And then there’s Bashar al-Assad.

This man has everything. Assad’s dominion was scheduled to fall by hidden masters, but not before he made plans to have a tail surgically implanted into the vestigial tailbone above his asshole. The tail, which responds to emotional stimuli or instinct, hangs at “that part that smells bad when you don’t shower.”

Assad’s surgeon in Iran, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadauer said the tail is likely to attract babes.

Let’s Kill Assad!

Even if he DIDN’T gas his people, because he let it happen in his country, we need to bury that cock-a-roache. Hey, George Bush was ousted from power after 3,000 brave patriots died in the World Trade Center under his rule. So answer me this: why not Assad?

If the rebels gassed civs in order to blame Assad, then it almost worked. It plays out like a fake CIA hit that everyone knew would fail who attempted it, but they did it anyway.

The only thing in this world worth having is a tail, and if you’ve got one of those bad boys hanging from above your butthole, then you can safely assume you’ll never have money – or lady – trouble again.

You can crucify a man with a tail one thousand times, but he’ll only die once.

This article is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc. and the Vestigitail with Vestigitail software. Vestigial Tail is probably monitored by hackers, secret agents and background surveillance software. Vesgitial Tail donates a portion of all proceeds to the Jerry Lewis Foundation.
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Law News Politics Society Status Quo Uncontrollable Patriotism World новости

President Obama Pardons Chelsea Manning

WASHINGTON, DC — Today in a landmark victory for the LGBT community, President Barack Obama issued an official presidential pardon for whistleblower Bradley Manning. Manning has officially come out as transgendered and chosen to go by the name “Chelsea,” an obvious nod to former president Bill Clinton’s lesbian daughter. The pardon comes in the midst of a bitter power struggle between the USA and USSR, both attempting to explore outer space. Russia recently granted NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden asylum and passed an anti-gay law, causing many people worldwide to boycott the Olympics and start cryptoparties. These events are absolutely nuclear in nature and indicative of a cold war fought purely with wedge issues.

As gay bars around the world pour Stoli vodka down the drain in protest to the USSR’s violently homophobic legislation, the United States has decided to take the high road as usual. In their perpetual war for freedom, President Obama preyed upon the LGBT angle, landing a right hook directly to the USSR’s face by pardoning the transgendered whistleblower for having the courage to come out of the closet. “We are people who declared that we are all created equal,” Obama said in a written statement, “and the love we commit to one another must be equal as well.”

Liberals applauded the presidents courage, likening it to that of Harvey Milk’s. Conservatives, while taken aback that Obama would pardon a traitorous fag, were fine with the decision, considering they didn’t have to pay for Chelsea’s hormone replacement therapy and sex change while she would be incarcerated in the tax payer funded prison system. However, Obama insinuated he would make sure it easy for Chelsea to “reach his goals.”

Meanwhile, at the Kremlin, Vladimir Putin has reportedly pardoned the female punk rock band “Pussy Riot” in retaliation, for some reason.

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News новости

Illuminati stages Lil Wayne Death Hoax

Lil Wayne death hoax fooled millions of fans, Friday.
Lil Wayne death hoax fooled millions of fans, Friday.
INTERNET — Friday, millions were fooled by an Illuminati psy-op targeting fans of Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne visited the hospital for a prostate exam, and the paparazzi working for TMZ falsely reported he had suffered a ‘sizzurup overdose’ leading to a gruesome death by seizures.

TMZ has not redacted their false and dangerous reports, and Lil Wayne’s handler’s reportedly confirmed his safe condition using his Twitter account while the doctor checked his prostate for cancer. Lil Wayne has been a target of the Illuminati in the past, although he has defiantly stood up against their plans.

Inspired by Dennis Rodman, Lil Wayne planned on visiting North Korea, drawing the ire of the Illuminati. It is said that the leader of the Illuminati, a 35th degree freemason, can kill his enemies with a mere thought. Considering the incredible danger Lil Wayne must pose to the Illuminati, it is astounding he is still alive.