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Snowden Omniscience Baffles World

Of all Americans who know how to read [roughly 60 percent], no one is as well-informed as Edward Snowden.

Edward Snowden accesses sensitive files using a mind-computer interface. It would suck to be blind right now, because this picture looks pretty cool.
Edward Snowden accesses sensitive files using a mind-computer interface.

UPDATE: SNOWDEN HAS REVEALED THE IDENTITY OF GOD HIMSELF [CLICK HERE]

If CHRONICLE reports are anything to go by – which they most certainly are – then vigilante Messiah Edward Snowden is the best-informed individual on planet Earth, exposing Mayan calendar prophecy, UFOs, HAARP, chemtrails, and many more conspiracies including, but not limited to, a draconian world surveillance program by the NSA.

Snowden even accurately predicted how his messianic appearance would be received by American mainstream media, so he insisted that prophet Greenwald reveal his image on two separate occasions. Snowden’s first appearance heralded great reminders of previous reports on NSA surveillance and repackaged them in a way most Americans could understand: Your government is spying on YOU. His second appearance recanted evidence brought forth in the first, and reminded listeners he is not an information terrorist, but a concerned citizen who loves and adores all his intelligent Twitter followers.

American citizens being spied on all across the 50 states are dumbfounded by Snowden’s revelations, and trust him completely to lead us into a new era of governmental retreat from their personal lives, friendships, emails and dick pics. Some don’t care. Others trust the government not to abuse its power, even in instances where they could totally get away with it, and nobody would mind.

“It’s just crazy how our government spies on us, but how else are you going to catch the terrorists? I’ve got nothing to hide. Well–nothing major,” said Roanoke resident, restaurant owner, and incest enthusiast Jon Puzo.

Snowden is expected to be black bagged during his flight to Venezuela, only to re-emerge years later before the Supreme Court on charges of a 100-year-old espionage law written as a response to the telephone.

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Snowden reveals HAARP’s Global Assassination Agenda

Snowden speaking from a Custom Faraday Cage in Sheremetyevo Airport's Hotel Novotel (Photo: The Internet Chronicle)
Snowden speaking from a Custom Faraday Cage in Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel (Photo: The Internet Chronicle)

MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, NSA whistleblower and fugitive, released documents Tuesday to Internet Chronicle reporters proving that the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, or HAARP, is definitively engaged in a program of assassination and mind control.

EMERGENCY UPDATE: Snowden has revealed an oncoming global cataclysm.

While the military prison industrial complex has routinely insisted that the Alaska-based HAARP is only meant to study natural phenomena in earth’s ionosphere, Snowden has managed to blow open a brutally massive charade.

“The HAARP research station,” he said, “strategically based away from prying eyes near Gakona, Alaska, is actually used to terminate or manipulate would-be dissidents of global capitalism on the scale of millions of people.”

Added Snowden, using finger quotes, “With these terrestrial antennas, NATO [the North Atlantic Treaty Organization] is able to, on a global scale, remotely silence ‘perpetrators’ of ‘deviant or subversive’ strains of thought.”

Unbeknownst to victims or their loved ones, HAARP projects ultra-high-powered radio waves. Those waves operate at the same electronic frequency as the truncus encephali, or brain stem, selectively inducing deaths seemingly by natural causes  – including by some appearing to coroners as innocuous as strokes or heart attacks.

“When and if the intelligence community doesn’t view outright assassination as an optimal effect,” said Snowden, “‘they’ can simply make a ‘target’ act in an insane fashion, in order to discredit them. When we were in transit between Hong Kong and Moscow, WikiLeaks staff and I had to fend off the constant threat of radio-generated homicidal delusions.”

Quickly ushering staff into his lavish room at Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel, the former NSA contractor began to explain himself. Due to confidentiality agreements with the 30-year-old, formerly of Booz Allen Hamilton, the Chronicle cannot elaborate beyond the point that he has outfitted his entire flat to be a thoroughly functioning Faraday cage.

Snowden’s haphazardly constructed Faraday cage, he claims, can block interference from external static and nonstatic electric fields.

“Without it,” he says, “I would have been dead the moment The Guardian‘s first story went to print.”

Snowden bolstered his testimony with HAARP documents gleaned from the private email accounts of officials as high-ranking as admirals and Air Force brigadier generals. Sources within the intelligence community have confirmed to The Internet Chronicle the authenticity of these documents, as well as their horrifying ramifications for human dignity.

Sources familiar with discussions between the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) and the University of Alaska, which helps run HAARP, suggested that cell towers, as well as TrapWire, are “in play here.”

Snowden’s testimony appears to be partially in line with that of a U.S. senator’s brother, in 2009. It was then that he, Nick Begich, told “Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura” that “just to affect the brain with emotional state changes is so easily accomplished” with HAARP.

Watch this excerpt from that program:

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Is Edward Snowden hacker ‘Guccifer’?

Edward Snowden: Guccifer?

INTERNET –  The world was stunned last week with the news of an NSA leak that could cripple the infrastructure of the entire world, possibly killing millions of white people. The perpetrator? None other than a mild mannered  systems administrator at Booz Allen Hamilton, Edward Snowden. Little is known about the man, but much has come to light, such as his lack of formal education, which is often a symptom of being a hacker, because everyone knows real hackers are auto-didacts.

Snowden is also very much a loner, which could be said for most hackers/computer enthusiasts. He kept to himself, except for his girlfriend, Lindsay. She has been found to have  direct ties with the hacker collective Anonymous, after being spotted wearing a Guy Fawkes mask in the nude.

A string of attacks from the seemingly ‘lone gunman’  hacker known as “Guccifer” have been perpetrated since early this year.  The hacker has taken a liking to reprimanding High Value Targets(HVT’s) such as a relative of the Koch brothers whose name I forgot, George Bush’s AOL account, and his father, George Bush’s account, Obama’s intelligence agent’s email account. Along with a slew of other superfluous hacks that garnered media attention for some reason, but there hasn’t been anything completely damning or anything that would compromise Guccifer’s identification…

Until now…

President Obama appointed Neile Miller, to head the National Nuclear Security Administration(NNSA), who was just hacked today by the notorious Guccifer. It is only logical that Guccifer targeted Miller because of the similarity between the NNSA and NSA acronyms, linking Guccifer directly with Snowden.

So, was Greenwald’s claims of Snowden’s death-by-drone simply a false flag psy-op to cover up for Guccifer’s latest hacking spree? What was INSIDE the building attacked by the drones in China? Can we expect more hacks from Guccifer soon?

All signs point to yes.