Mikhail Margelov may or may not have Downs Syndrome.
Moscow–“Syria is political chess, not American football,” said Mikhail Margelov, Presidential envoy to Africa, and Russian Premiere to Libya, implying Sunday America has no role in the country, so they should get out.
Margelov spoke on conditions of Anonymity during talks with Soviet journal RT. Over the course of their discussion, he indicated democratic efforts in Libya have failed.
Margelov said, “Some people happy to openly drink moonshine and others unhappy about that because they’re in favor of Sharia laws all over the country.”
“Some people are thinking about purity and Islamic identity,” Margelov boasted. “Some talk about necessity of establishing Sharia law all over the country, Islamic world, all over the Arab world.” At this, Margelov’s eyes flashed, then rolled back into his head as he foamed at the mouth.
“Chances of New Libyan Government and judicial system sharing values of human rights and democracy expected to be minimal,” Margelov explained through gritted teeth.
Russian oil companies have already started operations in Libya
Russian railroads “ready to get back.”
New Libyan Government welcomes Russian companies! Margelov: “So why not?”
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Hold onto your rights, because War just went global!
Respawn Entertainment, founded by top developers from Infinity Ward, maker of the bestselling Call of Duty: Modern Warfare series have announced plans to release a new game they say will allow players to enjoy the gut wrenching realism of indefinite military occupations.
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Co-creator and sadomasochist Frank West said all people deserve to witness, and even partake in, the atrocities of war.
“We thought, why should brown people be the only ones lucky to experience the horrors of modern warfare? With Modern Occupation 2, we want to bring the nightmarish reality of war into every American’s living room.”
Vincent Zampella, co-founder of Respawn Entertainment said, “We want to move gameplay away from the kill or be killed mindset. I am fucking sick of it, you’re sick of it and we all want the emails to stop. In Modern Occupation 2, every advancement presents a gray area in which gamers are forced to make split second decisions that may affect them for the rest of their lives – in some cases, more horrifically than war itself; for instance, your character may come down with PTSD if you shoot an unarmed child. Conversely, this is likely to occur even if the child is armed.”
In a live demo, very small children carrying toys and presents walked up to the player to give him gifts of baked goods – but as it happened, Sonjay’s teddy bear actuated a thermite bomb in the bread basket, killing everyone on screen. Leading up to random events such as these, the decision to shoot on sight is in the hands of the player.
The decision to execute this man may fall on your shoulders.
Civilian kills are penalized, but if the gamer can turn a murder into an accidental suicide, or frame the bodies to look like insurgents – either by planting guns around their homes or, during online play, calling on other players to support an alibi before his commanding officer – then he will no longer face court marshal and play continues.
However unlike previous iterations of the Call of Duty franchise, which pitted gamers against the Taliban in Afghanistan and challenged them to defend Northern Virginia from Russian invaders, Zampella said Modern Occupation 2 is variably paced.
“For example, in Realistic Mode, a player may find himself standing watch for ten, twelve hours at a time – changing only to adjust for his or her declining opinion of the military industrial complex.”
Additionally, as with any occupation, the political landscape plays an important role. Players may suddenly “disappear” or find that they’ve been targeted for political assassination if, during online play for example, gamers of the same faction invaded Pakistan’s airspace to the chagrin of a terrorist-sympathizing Presidential body, dozens of Seal Team Six may be deliberately targeted for assassination by groups allied forces never expect.
West said, “War games have become so realistic by now, that if children aren’t balled up in front of their televisions in the fetal position, in fresh puddles of their own urine, then we aren’t doing our jobs right.”
A press release posted Saturday on Respawn Entertainment’s website said the company hopes to get Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2 out while images of ground-based occupations are still revolting to American audiences. Videogame industry insiders fear many gamers are becoming more rapidly desensitized with each new release, which market analysts believe could cut into profits.
American audiences were enamored by the non-stop carnage of Capcom’s mid-summer release of African Vengeance: Genocidal Rapestorm, in which gamers are challenged to saw a Somalian woman’s arms off while simultaneously gang-fucking her in a flaming blood-spattered hut, or be shot for insubordination.
“I loved circumcising young girls in the bush, but after a while it was just a button-masher,” said eleven year old Kevin Jones of Boston, Mass. When asked what changes Kevin thinks would improve upon his favorite war game, he said, “More mini games like where I get to shove hot phosphorous in my enemy’s eyes using the Wii mote. That was so fun!”
Facing stiff competition from all sides, West said they are comfortable pushing back the release of Modern Occupation 2 to give developers a chance to add features he hopes will keep bloodthirsty fans coming back for more. Some new features include torture chambers, mini-games in which the player herds civilians into cages, and various rage meters West said will gauge a character’s contempt for the people he is enlisted to protect, adding a whole new tier of depth through multipliers and hate crimes.
If pushed back, gamers can expect to unleash their xenophobia on the digital world just in time for the holiday season.
It’s not Kim Kardashian. It’s not Casey Anthony’s dead little baby. It’s not even Weiner’s dick. Nope. It’s another fucking WAR!
In April, the lying United States President Barack Obama said there are “no boots on the ground” in Libya but we reported there certainly are “shoes on the ground.” And boots. America continues its oil campaign through the desert as Obama prepares to declare war on Libya, who is currently already at war with itself.
Obama submitted a 34-page document to House Speaker John Boehner in support of all-out war on Libya. Lawsuits are being prepared against the administration which is currently engaged in illegal acts of war inside the oil-controlled nation of Libya, and Obama was required to justify his weird acts of war.
Many Americans will not even ask the question “Why not Syria?” where cold-blooded slayings of innocent, unarmed protesters take place as you read this – because Americans smart enough to ask that question are smart enough to know America’s role is not to spread Democracy, but to keep its own oil prices low.
The rest of the American public allow warmongering to continue because 98% of them are kept ignorant by corporate media and their own lazy, noninquisitive lifestyles; they probably just assume it’s all good in the ‘hood as long as their reality TV shows don’t exhibit signs of political polarization.
The U.S. State Department is considering lifting its ban on women in combat roles. This is likely less in the interest of women’s rights, and more because they don’t have enough meat in the field to sustain four simultaneous wars. Libya can expect a flood of women’s rights, where women will soon be found legally behind the gun pointed at your terrorist sand-babies.
Germany couldn’t warmonger on half the fronts we do but we’ll pull it off, because America’s number 1.
Chronicle.SU reporter Old Brutus called the CNN tipline to let them know Obama submitted to Congress what he said is a “legal basis for war” on Libya. Brutus assumed they had not yet learned of the development since they were broadcasting stories about Angelina Jolie and people having a hard time playing golf.
Old Brutus called the New York City CNN tip-line to make them aware of the news but could only speak to a machine. He left the following message:
[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/message-from-old-brutus-to-cnn1.mp3|titles=Old Brutus’ message to CNN]
Then, dissatisfied and wishing to speak with a human being, Old Brutus called the Atlanta, Ga. headquarters where computers have not yet assumed oppressive control over the flow of information. In Ga. it recently became legal for women to work, so a girl answered the phone.
She said she was not aware of the President’s justification for war on Libya to Congress, and forwarded him to the same tip-line he called to reach her. While holding, Brutus quickly plugged his voice recorder back into his hyper-encrypted landline handset and recorded the following conversation:
[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/tip-line1.mp3|titles=Old Brutus submits a news tip to CNN]
Elf Wax Media Ethics Analyst Billiam Falshe, who is glued constantly to CNN and supports their every move, was available for comment. Shortly before increasing the volume on his television, Falshe had this to say:
We like pretty dead babys with pretty mothers. We don’t like ugly sand-niggers blown to pieces by our political hate machine.
In the news today:
Someone injured during an angelina jolie visit to bumfuck nowhere
John Boehner plays golf “under pressure” [editor’s note: Boehner is scheduled to play golf with the President, who Boehner asked to submit a proposal for his thus-far-illegal war on Libya. *Gasp!* I wonder what they will they talk about?]
A new battlefront! [oh, between republicans and democrats]
For at least 30 minutes, Casey Anthony’s trial dominated BOTH CNN channels
