Category: Science

You hear a whirring sound.

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News Politics Science Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

North Korea grants asylum for Snowden

Hackers around the world have been searching for a home for their wayward comrade, Edward Snowden. Finally, it seems, they have settled on North Korea.
Hackers around the world have been searching for a home for their wayward comrade, Edward Snowden. Finally, it seems, they have settled on North Korea.

SEOUL, Republic of Korea – In response to a formal application for asylum on behalf of Edward Snowden, Kim Jong-un issued a statement offering the whistleblower not just asylum, but full North Korean citizenship. Snowden and his entourage, staffed mostly by WikiLeaks employees, were ecstatic at the news of a safe haven after 14 other countries had denied their applications.

“The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea promises to allow Edward Snowden to continue to leak anything he wants. We will provide him with many of the best top-secret hacking tools available in North Korea,” said a representative from the North Korean military.

“We are just so relieved that Snowden has finally found friendly shores,” said Glen Greenwild, the reporter who famously interviewed Edward Snowden in a Hong Kong hotel.

Snowden issued a statement written in Spanish, thanking North Korea for their commitment to freedom.

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Politics Technology World

Terrorist Edward Snowden May Walk Free

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CHRONICLE.SU– NSA whisteblower Edward Snowden betrayed fellow Americans by revealing critical national secrets to our fascist enemies.

HONG KONG– You may already know the dubious tale of 29-year-old Edward Snowden, the anti-American ex-NSA contractor-turned-defector who recently leaked valuable national secrets to our enemies.

But what you don’t know about Snowden involves his diabolical scheme to escape into the lawless hands of Hong Kong, landlocked by the irrevocable sin of mainland Communist China.

Although Hong Kong is part of a “one country, two systems” situation, China can veto extradition requests, contradicting the extradition treaty the weak government of Hong Kong has held – since 1997 – after the city was returned to the totalitarian regime with which Snowden is now aligned.

From behind the Great Firewall of China, Snowden hopes to be whisked away by Chinese authorities who may “press” him for precious national security tips, but not before growing famous enough to garner public support for his supposedly “heroic” acts of anti-American aggression against innocent Americans.

A toxic ideology of reverse “patriotism” is now spreading which led Private Bradley Manning, whom Snowden called a “whistleblower . . . inspired by the public good,” to publicly reveal military secrets to our enemies.

Snowden, a master of exploiting legal loopholes, roots around in a broken Communist system of asylum-seeking perpetuity.

He buys time for himself, moving between hotels, racking up exorbitant room service bills with total disregard for the Americans whose national security he’s thrown to the wind.

CIA agents voraciously track Snowden through back alleys of Hong Kong. May God be with our brave soldiers, and may He have mercy on our souls.

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Editorial Hate News Politics Religion Science Society Status Quo Uncontrollable Patriotism

Battle Stations!

Plato said that a city driven by luxuries was fevered, and in a state of Eternal War the entire planet is overrun by Jungles as Carbon Dioxide and Global Warming alter the climate and lead to mass-famines in every city except on small islands. Repeated Nuclear Detonations release just enough ash to partially cancel the global warming, ironically becoming the only reason life on Earth can possibly survive.
Plato said that a city driven by luxuries was fevered, and in a state of Eternal War the entire planet is overrun by Jungles as Carbon Dioxide and Global Warming alter the climate and lead to mass-famines in every city except on small islands. Repeated Nuclear Detonations release just enough ash to partially cancel the global warming, ironically becoming the only reason life on Earth can possibly survive.

FROM WITHIN PRISM’S PANOTPIC GAZE — The Empire Has No Clothes, and the Revolution draws ever nearer, just as me and all my friends on Twitter have always agreed. It’s so close I can taste it.

As the Panopticon’s Black Iron Prison encloses the planet Earth from a panoply of hateful Imperial powers — America, China, and every tinpot dictator in each patsy state on the planet, We, The People of the Internet have been busy plotting the perfect and most intellectual plans for the New World Order, which also happens to be the thing conspiracy theorists like me fear most. I’ve done tremendous research on this problem, and have logged untold thousands of hours on many different versions of Sid Meyer’s Civilization series.

The New World Order is a horror, of course, unless you happen to believe in Reparations for all Blacks in America, Gay Marriage, Legal Marijuana, Maximum Salaries, and Maximum Work Weeks. You want some hope? I’ll throw that in, but you’ve got to send me bitcoins.

That’s right! No one in America (Or our patsy semi-colonies!) will EVER work more than 20 hours a week. It’s a bitch when all these RedBoxes, McBoxes, and Combine Harvesters take the jobs of all our illegal immigrants and we have to start paying for their healthcare. But not anymore! No, No! We will have enough jobs even for the freeloaders and the tramps, and people will still be able to become unbelievably filthy fucking rich with a maximum yearly income of 5 million dollars. Sure, some people might say I want to unfairly tax the everliving shit out of those who bring in billions, but I don’t see it that way. They made it all on your dime! Think about it, we’ve been investing tax money into computers and robots for a hundred years in order to fight for freedom and defeat the Nazi Scum. We SHOULD be living in a Techno Utopia with Robots doing Everything! To HELL with Nazi-sympathizing billionaires who think that THEY should get ALL profit off of The Only God Damned GOOD war we’ve fought in a long time. We’re gonna invest it in robots, motherfucker! If you Vote for ME as president of the New World Order, which will surely follow the oncoming Revolution (I believe it was instigated by the Chinese! They’ve taken Snowden into their grips, and I’m afraid it’s too late for Obama. (We can’t fall into the grips of China. Trust me, I would prefer Prism to the Great FireWall ANY DAY.))