Categories
News Politics World

Iran bastardizes "Democratic" election


Chaos in Iran
—————-

Mir Hossein Mousavi, Ahmadinejad’s opposition in Iran’s primary election, has been placed on house arrest following mass rioting throughout the broken nation.

Rigged polls gave the incumbent dictator 63 percent of the votes, leaving Mousavi with less than 34 percent – a difference that, if not tragic, is laughably contrary to what inside analysts projected. Most analysts, including secret inside reporters risking their lives and freedom to report the truth, indicated early on that given the outrageously high young voter turnout, Mousavi would probably walk away with “at least half” of the votes.

Mousavi was even beaten in his own “heartland” – a tampering that secures all suspicions that something is inherently wrong with modern voting standards in every Democratic region, but especially in those regions with Religious entanglement and high-profile corruption.

One Iranian citizen expressed his disenchantment with the ongoing bastardization of his Republic, saying, “You just have to close your eyes and try not to think about it.”

Categories
Entertainment Health Special Interest

Intervention Letter

Some friends and I recently watched a neighbor have a complete psychological meltdown. Everything a normal person does, simply quit happening in this person. Rational thought, personal hygiene, common decency, all went out the window. You couldn’t talk to the guy, because his brain had ceased to function normally, and he was in complete denial about his situation. So, we decided to write him a letter outlining everything he had done……….a sort of intervention by letter. I thought I would share this letter with our readers, so they can see what happened to this guy. I don’t want to say his name, so I will simply call him C. Hart. No……..I don’t like that. I’ll call him Calvin H., so you won’t know who he is.

I hope hearing about how this guy hit bottom is as much fun for you, as watching it was for me:

Calvin,

After seeing firsthand how you’ve failed miserably at accomplishing the most basic activities of daily living, we felt like we had to be pals and point out to you what you can’t see for yourself……that your life is a train wreck that just won’t grind to a halt. We all want to help you, and think that we need to point out to you the things that your obviously unable to see yourself that you’ve done up until now, so here goes. And keep in mind that this is just a few of things that you’ve done which demonstrate a pattern of mental illness. To name them all would require more time and paper than we have.

1. The alcohol and drugs. You put your use of alcohol and drugs before EVERYTHING else…..including your personal hygiene. When someone has trouble thinking clearly, as you obviously do, using substances which impair your thought processes is the last thing that needs to be done. And yet, you’ve made using these substances your primary goal in life. You’ll sit around drinking beer, smoking pot, and doing cocaine, while you have no job, no power, no water, and a house that’s in continuous danger of foreclosure. The foreclosure attorneys are probably on a first name basis with you. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

2. The complete lack of maintenance of everything you have….including your body. Your stark refusal to maintain any of your property is puzzling to say the least. You seem completely satisfied to live in your own squalor, while everything you have deteriorates due to lack of even the most basic maintenance. You let your central heat and air unit filters become so clogged with filth that your unit quit, and then you simply took the filters out and let the unit run, which fills the ductwork with dust and filth. The bathroom floor under your toilet is rotten because your toilet has leaked for four years. You won’t even fix that. Your car, your furniture, your clothes, your house, everything you have is filthy, broken, and completely useless. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

3. Your refusal to work and be a productive member of society. If you go to the nearest fast food store, you see people working. If you look around downtown, you see people working. If you look across your neighborhood, you see people working. If someone looks at you, they don’t see a person working. You pretend to have a computer business; but in reality you’re not qualified to do anything but go to someone’s house and remove a broken computer to throw in the trash. Your content being poor, and a welfare case, begging for money from everyone there is to beg, when you’re healthy and able to work. You even go so far as to steal bill money from your friends. Stealing money that your friends need to pay their bills; that’s low. And using it to buy drugs is even lower. You’ll do anything to avoid working and being a productive member of society. We all know that your now taking a gas can to gas stations and begging for money, telling people that your on your way to work and ran out of gas. Your begging for money based on a lie – which is what we working, law abiding citizens call a scam. How pathetic! You’re officially a bum now. Just how low are you going to sink? You have no pride, or shame, do you? This is not a sign of mental soundness.

4. Your inability to conduct yourself in a decent manner when in public. Not only are you unable to interact with people in a normal manner, you’re not even able to be around other people without acting in a manner inconsistent with normality and common decency. This was evidenced by your being thrown off a plane for acting in a disturbing manner. All you had to do was get on the plane and sit down. That’s it! Just sit down and ride. But you couldn’t even do that, could you? You had to moo at the top of your lungs like a big mentally defective cow until the crew had no choice but to throw you off the plane. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

5. Your inability to have a normal relationship with your own family. Your own family has felt it necessary to remove you from their lives. You only embarrassed them with your refusal to work, begging for money, lack of hygiene, living in your own filth, and general abnormal behavior. You go without power and water for months at a time, and therefore are unable to bathe or use the bathroom indoors. You just walk around stinking, like a stray dog. You even have to use the bathroom outside, like a dog. The last thing I want to see when I look out my back door, is you squatting down, taking a dump in the back yard. Do you think anyone wants to say that they are related to you, or are friends with you? This is not a sign of mental soundness.

6. Your continued viewing of disturbing pornography. We all know you enjoy watching your videos of horses having sex with young ladies. We’ve all caught you watching that sickness. Why you enjoy watching young ladies being tortuously screwed by farm animals is something we are unable to comprehend. That’s disgusting, if not illegal. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

7. We all know what you did to the Thunderbird. Tony let you borrow his brand new Thunderbird, which is a prized possession of his. That was VERY generous of him. How did you repay his generosity? You wrecked his Thunderbird, left it sitting in your yard with the top down while it rained all day, and then returned it to him without telling him that you wrecked it and that the wheel was damaged and could potentially break while he’s driving it. You repaid his generosity by endangering his life. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

8. We all know what you did to the bicycle. You couldn’t even be trusted with a bicycle for a couple of days. You destroyed someone else’s bicycle that was left at your house overnight. We don’t know why you destroyed it. You just did. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

9. We all know what you did to the dog. You took a dog home with you, tied it up in the 110 degree sun without water, and killed it in a matter of hours. It deserved to live, but you sentenced it to death by bringing it to live with you. This too is disturbing, if not illegal. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

10. We all know what you did to the rabbit. You found that little baby rabbit, put it in a bucket, and painted it with orange engine paint. Your justification for doing that was so that you could see it when it grew up and would know which one it was, since it would be orange. We don’t know which was less intelligent; the fact that you didn’t know that animals SHED their fur, or that you didn’t know painting that newborn baby rabbit would kill it. All we could do was look at that poor little baby rabbit, with its paint filled eyes and paint bubbling out of its nose, and think to ourselves “Calvin is one stupid son of a bitch”. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

11. We all know what you did to the boat. Even a child knows better than to raise the engine cover on a boat, take the cover off of the carburetor, and let it sit that way for two years with rainwater, snow, and leaves going straight into the engine. Yet, this is what you did. And you let the
boat sit uncovered until it rotted away into worthlessness. Then, when the boat was junk that needed to be hauled to the dump, you refused to take 1500 dollars for it, even though you were in jail, and your house was going into foreclosure. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

12. Your continued refusal to obey the law. You drive while under the influence of alcohol and illegal drugs, and have your license taken away. This has happened on multiple occasions. But instead of learning from this, you just continue driving around with no license, no insurance, no tag, no registration, and no idea why you keep going to jail for driving on a suspended license. You’ve gone to jail three times in the last few months for driving on a suspended license. Even a dumb farm animal eventually learns to stop touching the electric fence. But not you. You just keep getting yourself put in jail for the same offense. You don’t comprehend the consequences of your continued illegal activities. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

13. You went to jail, and brought jail home with you. When most people go to jail, they use it as a learning experience. But not you. You had to bring a bunch of criminal’s home with you to help you peddle drugs. You saw these inmates, and thought these guys belonged in your house, and in our neighborhood. The result was the theft of property in your house, as well as the theft of property around the rest of the neighborhood. The drug traffic you brought into our neighborhood is something the neighbors are still mad about. You single-handedly turned a good neighborhood into a bad one. This is not a sign of mental soundness.

We could keep going, but there’s no reason to. We all felt that if we pointed out to you what a train wreck your life has become, you might be able to see for yourself what we have seen for years, and do something about it. We are only trying to help you. Unfortunately, you don’t seem to want advice or help from anyone, unless they are handing you money. So you may just toss this in the trash, instead of trying to see what we see and doing something about it.

If you don’t listen to those around you, and continue going down the disgusting, pathetic, ignorant path your on, you are going to end up homeless. Go get some psychiatric help. You may need to be institutionalized, so you can have a guardian to look after you on a daily basis. Your clearly unable, or unwilling, to do it yourself. It’s time to start living the life of a normal, law abiding, productive member of society.

Update:

The last I heard, Calvin’s house had been condemned, because it was deemed to be unfit for human habitation. But he snuck back into it, and was burning trash downstairs to stay warm, when the house caught on fire and pretty much burned down. Since he hadn’t paid the insurance, it wasn’t repaired. Calvin is now homeless, and mooching off of other people full time. He is now, officially, a bum.

Categories
Local News Society Special Interest Status Quo

Man's dreams fall into lap

Jay Kenny, A Roanoke man, sat in his favorite comfortable chair Thursday, thinking the world would just pass him by as it has done for the last five years. That is, until a book deal and a Sports Illustrated contract fell into his lap from the ventilation system overhead.
American author Jay Kenny making headway toward goals

“I was just staring out the window thinking, ‘Gosh, the world sure does change as fast as the second hand counts a minute nowadays.’ But I remember noticing that my back lawn and the bushes and trees always look the same,” said Mr. Kenny, retail employee.

Jay went on to express his renewed attitude toward life, and lack of certainty around what he will do next. “Now that I can be the writer I always dreamed of bein’, I just don’t know what I’ll write about! Sports? Politics? Social trends, the government? War and peace; it’s all out there for me,” he said with a grin.

Jay Kenny said he’d already grown accustomed to day-to-day life without ambition. “Paper hits the door every mornin’. The songbird sings my favorite tunes,” he said. He went on to describe how he’d come to delude himself into believing a life without any distinction whatsoever does not evacuate the happiness from his soul, but in fact brings him a form of satisfaction. “Things here are just how I want them to be. Pretty much all the time. Grass stays cut. Neighbors are friendly. Known them about fifteen years now. What little money I get pays the gas bill, heating, lights, health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, homeowner’s insurance, water. With what’s left I buy food. Sometimes I have enough left and I’ll even buy myself a big old steak dinner. Me and Gus,” he said, pointing to his dog. “I guess I might just write about that.”

Mr. Kenny said he would not investigate the duct-work of his home, telling reporters the weight of the curiosity around what caused his dreams to come true by simply neglecting to actively pursue them can be remedied with a good Marlboro cigarette and a shot of whiskey. “I don’t like to ask no questions,” he said. “Something told me I’d be a big novelist one day and people would want to know what I’ve got to say about things. I just believed in myself. And that’s probably how I was able to keep my routine of television, forty hours at Staples, and shopping at Kroger. I knew it’d all pay off eventually.” And it did.